GEORGIA—Y’all, I’m not shy. I wrote an essay for you about how we should be our authentic selves at work, so here’s my story about using our Employee Assistance Program counseling services¹.

I’ve called EAP a few times for counseling. I have a history of depression, and I’ve always been very grateful to have EAP there as my safety net. In combination with exercise, nutrition, petting the dog and leaning on loved ones, knowing I can always see a professional person to help me get my bearings again is reassuring. And I’ve needed to do so from time to time. My close friends are always helpful, but like anyone without professional counseling training, their loving kindness is limited in scope and effectiveness when I am down a deep well.

I’ll share one instance with you that I hope illustrates the ease and confidential nature of using EAP. I was acting as caregiver for a friend with mental health issues. Not officially a caregiver—we were just friendly neighbors—and not technically—I don’t have any training. But he needed help, and I wanted to help, and it was a lot of work: emotionally, physically, everything.

When I was really worn out, my friends said, “Just take a break. He’ll be okay for a few days.” “Take care of yourself,” they said. When I tried to reach out for specific types of help from his friends and loved ones, some said, “Don’t share his medical business with us, that’s for him to decide.” They didn’t know that I was breaking and that he wasn’t capable of asking for more help than he already had.

Those of you who are or have been in care-giving situations can see that those suggestions weren’t feasible for me at the time. I see you and send you love right now.

I could go to work, but I couldn’t focus once I got there. I knew I needed professional support. I called my local EAP number (it’s different across the country so I posted them all here):

• Regions 1, 6 and PNW: Acentra/EAP Consultants at (800) 869-0276

• Region 4: ComPsych at (888) 290-4327

• All other units: Federal Occupational Health at (800) 222-0364

• Job Corps Centers and Washington Office detached/virtual employees are to use the services where they are geographically aligned

I remembered from previous calls that EAP would connect me directly with a counselor (they can make an appointment right then on the phone with you, but they can also provide a case number and a few counselors that you can choose from). Any of them would accept me as a client because they were on EAP’s providers list. I decided to ask the EAP operator for three names, search online to see who felt like a good fit and schedule my first session myself. The only additional step when you go this route is that you have to give the counselor your case number at your first session, and then call EAP back and tell them who you are working with so they can link you and the provider together in the records via the case number. It’s not at all difficult since they always pick up the phone—it’s one call.

My counselor was great, and I felt a bit more in control since I had chosen her. I completely spilled my guts in our first session together. You know when you keep it together because you have to, but then someone supportive asks how you’re doing, and you melt down? That was me. A puddle of stress and worry on an overstuffed sofa in a friendly stranger’s office.

The relief was immediate.

After my first session, I felt lighter. I was so grateful to her for not being my friend (I would have wanted to protect my friend from all my darkest thoughts). I was so glad to be in an anonymous office in a boring office building (not at my home or anywhere else that I love; I don’t want these stress-ball memories connected to my special places).

My counselor had wonderful suggestions for how to manage myself and my friend’s care better. She didn’t suggest that I stop or that I couldn’t do it well enough. Her ideas about taking care of myself were framed in the context of my experience and what I was trying to do as a caretaker. We set up another session, and I was eager to return to talk with her.
Then, I found I didn’t need to. I implemented the tools and ideas she suggested, and they worked.

I called to cancel my second session with her, and she asked thoughtful questions about how I was getting along. She didn’t pressure me to come back, and she was happy for me that I was feeling so much better and could be effective at work again.

In short, I recommend using EAP when worries creep in that you can’t talk yourself out of. Or if you’re a stressed-out caregiver. Or if you’ve got financial woes that a spreadsheet can’t come close to solving. Or a million other reasons that you don’t need anyone’s permission for.

Here’s this: you can call me if you want me to talk you into calling EAP. And here’s those numbers, again, in case you are ready right now.

• Region 1, 6 and PNW: Acentra/EAP Consultants at (800) 869-0276

• Region 4: ComPsych at (888) 290-4327

• All other units: Federal Occupational Health at (800) 222-0364

• Job Corps Centers and Washington Office detached/virtual employees are to use the services where they are geographically aligned

¹I’m sharing this story because I’ve already processed it on my own over several years; I’m not sharing a “raw” story. Sharing a raw story is what Brené Brown calls a “drive-by”—you’ll blindside your audience and potentially have to patch things up with yourself too.